May 12th 20019: Dear Diary, MailChimp and I broke up today. – Shopify
Dear Diary,
MailChimp and I went to counseling again. This is like the 3rd time in the past few months. He showed up late and I could smell beer on his breath.
He acts like nothing is wrong, but I know he’s lying.
“She and I work together,” he said today in counseling, “And now she wants all of the info on all of my clients. All of MY clients. Everything now, everything to come, and everything dating back to when we first started working together.”
Which is only partly true, Diary. I want all of his info on all of his clients and if he has any info from other people besides myself that talk to his client, I want that, too. That’s it. Which, I believe to be highly reasonable.
Also, I suspect he’s cheating on me.
I found this text message on his phone, “Can’t wait to launch shoppable landing pages with you…” He signed it with an eggplant emoji. SMH. And get this, Diary, the Contact Name was, “Low Battery” which is B.S. because I know through Karen that means he’s speaking with someone he doesn’t want me to know about.
Don’t judge me, Diary, but I looked through his browser history and found www.squarup.com. I bet he’s talking to that fake b**ch, Square. ARRRGGHHH!! SQUARE! God, I hate her…
I know he repeatedly said, over and over, that we’re not “exclusive” and he was very public about the other girls he was dating… but, c’mon, you know… I know… it’s like, you know, yes… I’m dating other guys, too… but you know… like, I KNOW… it was different with us. He knows it, too.
In any event, it’s final. I’m moving on. In fact, I’ve been seeing his friend ShopSync on the side. (Sort of like when Gwyneth Paltrow started dating Ross from “Friends” so that she could keep tabs on Brad Pitt while he dated Jennifer Aniston…)
Oh well, I have a pint of “Half Baked” Ben & Jerry’s, “The Notebook” queued up on Amazon, a box of tissues, and all night with Gloria Gaynor on my Spotify playlist. I will survive, Diary. I will survive.
XXOO,
Shopify
P.S. TimeHoodie’s recommendation for MailChimp replacement is ShopSync: https://apps.shopify.com/shopsync-2 – it’s free and the best way for a seamless transition. You still get everything you need and maintain a MailChimp integration through ShopSync (instead of directly through MailChimp’s app)
MailChimp’s own recommended alternatives that allow you to keep using MailChimp indirectly through a 3rd party: https://mailchimp.com/help/shopify-workarounds/
Shopify’s bitter-for-being-jilted list of other lovers to replace MailChimp: https://community.shopify.com/c/Shopify-Apps/Mailchimp-alternatives-and-integration-apps/td-p/500290
He Said – MailChimp’s Open Letter about the breakup: https://mailchimp.com/shopify-statement/
She Said – Shopify’s icy, official statement on the breakup:
“On May 12th the Mailchimp app will stop working. We know that you depend on email marketing to reach your customers, and we want to make this transition as easy as possible for you. We recommend choosing a new email marketing solution, and there are several options available that make the process quick and easy with migration support and special offers for Shopify merchants. Our team is here to offer 1-on-1 support to help you understand your available options.”
